School is getting a lot harder for me.

Being a music major has already put a lot on my plate, and now it's starting to get to the point where I forget to study for things, and I'm having a hard time balancing all my classes, plus practicing, and getting to talk to and see all my friends. I have 2 half-semester classes, so that will lighten my load; but those classes aren't the problem. It's my bigger classes. Then the music classes are just overloading. It's so worth it, but still; it's a lot to deal with.

I just took a Modern Civ test and a Theory quiz today...today hates me. haha! I'm still in an amazing mood, but today doesn't like me very much. Oh well...

LOVE <3

Wow...I haven't written in this thing in forever.

I've been so busy with school and everything else in between that. I do like having this much work to do, though, because I feel like it's teaching me a real world skill: how to manage my time wisely and get a large work load done in a small amount of time.

People weren't kidding around here when they said you sell your soul to the music department when you come to Shorter. I spend about....85% of my time in MFA and CFA (the music buildings), and the other 15% is spent in my room working on all the stuff for that other 85%. It's really insane; but music is my life, my love. I wouldn't give this opportunity up for anything in the world.

The only thing that makes it difficult to come to a school as prestigious in music as this one is that you get intimidated very easily. I was already fairly critical of my voice before I came here, but now I'm scared to sing at all. People say that's how all freshman are and that, with time, I'll get over it. I haven't yet. I hate going to the practice rooms because I know people can hear me. I have to put a piece of paper over the window so no one can look in at me and find out who's voice they're judging, and even if I end up going to the practice rooms, I stay for all of 15 minutes because I get nervous. It's getting really aggravating, but when you walk down a hallway of practice rooms filled with singers who kick your voice's butt, you start to judge yourself and say, "Ok, I'm not singing today." I just know that if someone walks by my room, they'll be like, "Ew, how did she get into Shorter's music program?" I know that I'll get better with practice, but I can' t practice because I'm too nervous. I'm getting on my own nerves talking about it.

Moving on...

Everything else in life is AMAZING!!!!!!! I love college and everything about it. I don't think I could say that enough.

Sucks for everyone still in high school...

*snicker*

I love the rain, thunderstorms in particular. It was sunny and hot this morning, and then it just started to rain. Many people are scared of thunderstorms, but I've never found anything fearful about them. To me, it goes to show how powerful God is. I don't really know why, but the rain inspires me.

My parents came to visit me at school today. One thing that I've noticed is that I haven't gotten home sick at all, even though I am very much family oriented. I think it's because of the school I'm going to. It's small enough where you can get to know a ton of people, and they become your family. It makes the transition a lot easier, but I do miss my family a lot. Being at college has allowed me to become more thankful for all the things that I have such as friends, a loving family, a fabulous education, and money. Well actually, I, myself, have no money. haha; but being at college has allowed me to become more aware of the value of a dollar, and has helped me conserve my money for the things that are truly important, not just on frivilous things.

College is an important step in life, and I'm doing my best each and every day to make the most of it. Adults that I look up to say that college is the best 4 years of your life, and I don't intend on wasting 4 good years. So far, I'm having the time of my life. I love everything about college.

One thing that I am thankful for right now is that I'm single. Granted, a lot of people that come to college either have a boyfriend already or they find one instantaneously. I, however, find that being single is allowing me to concentrate MORE on making friends rather than worrying about whether or not my boyfriend would approve of this or if this guy likes me or not. Yes, I would lie if I said that I haven't seen a lot of cute guys here, but it's not my primary focus to find a guy and make him mine. I feel like the right thing for me to do in God's time right now is to concentrate on my school work, my music, and maybe one day he'll bring me a guy that is wonderful for me.

I do wonder sometimes, though, if there is something wrong with me. I've only had 2 boyfriends, and they're also the only 2 people that I've ever dated. I'm not ashamed, but many people that have at least dated more people than that, and it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I try to be the best Christian person I can be, but is that what's scaring them away? Who knows...

Imput is appreciated. Plus, I want to know how everyone is doing.

I really like college so far. I think Shorter is the perfect fit for me, and all the people I've met and the friends I've made...it's awesome! Everyone is so nice, and I love my roommate and suitemates! We get along really well and just have a ton of fun together!

I made the Chorale!!!! (That's the advanced group at Shorter). I was SOOOOOOO scared about not making it since I'm a freshman, plus everyone in that group is AMAZING. I feel so honored to have been picked to sing with them, and I'm so excited about working with them tomorrow. I'm so fortunate, and I couldn't have done it without the aid of God. He's helped me get through so much, and he deserves all the glory!

I like all my classes so far. My theory class is really easy, though, so I'm kind of hoping that the difficulty of the class picks up a bit so that I don't die. haha. Tomorrow I have English, Health and PE for Life, Diction and Chorale. It's a fairly easy day, which is good. I think this semester is going to be a lot easier than I expected, but I don't think it's right for me to judge that on the first day of school. We'll just have to see how all of that goes.

...In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time Ive held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose...

I'm scared about college.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things about college that I am really looking forward to. I'm really excited about getting my music career underway. This is something I have always wanted to do, and I really can't wait to spend each and every day doing the thing I love, which is music. I can't wait to make a bunch of new friends. I look to find out more about myself, and really challenge myself. I want to reach out to people about God and make an influence on people that really need it. I want people to want to know more. I yearn to make a difference in other people's lives. I want to be free.

On the other hand, I'm really not wanting to go. I'm not big on large and sudden change, and when I have to it scares me. I am afraid of losing bonds with people that I have recently made ones or strengthened ones with (Anna, Dan, Kendal, Pierce, Brewer and Lindsay), and I am worried that I will lose touch with them as well as people that mean more than the world to me (Candice, Melissa, all the above people, Meaghan, etc.) I just can't handle people moving on from me and me being left behind. I try to be the greatest friend I can be, and sometimes I feel like everyone else is wanting to move on from me as I get left behind in the dust. I just care about these people too much for me to lose them. I'm going to miss being at home and with my family and in my church. Everything is going to change for me. I mean, think about it. The next time I get in my bed, it won't be the same. It won't be like sleeping in the bed that is mine everyday, but more like a weekend bed. I can't handle this much change at one time.

I don't think it is so much a concern for me to go somewhere new and meet new people. I think the thing I am worried about is things changing once I come back...

I need my friends here. I need my family here. I need my church here.

Will y'all promise me something? Be here for me still. Even though I am not here, I still need y'all. Don't loose touch with me or keep a distance from me. I want y'all to be here. Change is good, but I love y'all too much to lose you.

Be here for me, promise?